{"id":11235,"date":"2017-05-16T16:25:07","date_gmt":"2017-05-16T04:25:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/?p=11235"},"modified":"2019-11-23T10:56:23","modified_gmt":"2019-11-22T21:56:23","slug":"the-lion-the-pornstar-and-the-polar-bear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/the-lion-the-pornstar-and-the-polar-bear\/","title":{"rendered":"THE LION THE PORNSTAR AND THE POLAR BEAR"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Imagine being a lion with a really huge tool who is into licking his own balls<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
\n

\"lion-balls.jpg\"<\/p>\n

And now imagine having a magical shape shifting device that allowed you to shift over into being a big naturals porn star.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"-overflowing-bikini.jpg\"<\/p>\n

Next imagine having some weed that was so grunty that if you dropped just a pinch of it into your vapouriser you could switch between different identities at will, and even float back into the mainstream reality long enough to write your thoughts down.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"volcano.png\"<\/p>\n

And then go back into one of those trains of thought in which life and the meaning of the universe all play out in total clarity, until the pornstar turns into a bright pink polar bear.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

At that point the whole narrative usually fades away like a rainbow disappearing into the sky, but this time imagine that the weed really did give you special powers, and you actually did write all this down instead of only imagining that you had.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"rainbow2.jpg\"<\/p>\n

Now imagine typing this crap out the next morning and posting it online\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Imagine being a lion with a really huge tool who is into licking his own balls And now imagine having a magical shape shifting device that allowed you to shift over into being a big naturals porn star. Next imagine having some weed that was so grunty that if you dropped just a pinch of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13654,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/imagine-if-the-darwin-awards-became-an-analogy-for-life\/","url_meta":{"origin":11235,"position":0},"title":"IMAGINE IF THE DARWIN AWARDS BECAME AN ANALOGY FOR LIFE","date":"June 8, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0Maybe we are becoming stupider by the day, but we haven't noticed yet? Probably best not to contemplate that - it might make us paranoid. FROT WEBSITE\u00a0http:\/\/www.frot.co.nz FROT BLOG\u00a0http:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/blog PALNET FROT https:\/\/www.palnet.io\/@frot STEEMIT FROT https:\/\/steemit.com\/@frot STEEMIT SIFT666 https:\/\/steemit.com\/@sift666 \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "FUNNY"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/proxy.duckduckgqo.com_-500x261.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":14907,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/steemit\/imagine-hoovering-up-some-sticky-shit\/","url_meta":{"origin":11235,"position":1},"title":"IMAGINE HOOVERING UP SOME STICKY SHIT","date":"October 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Imagine sucking down some primo weed from the vape and watching some freaky shit going on. But being too baked to type words can lead a mind to pick up a pen and make shapes... Do shapes have meanings? Is the desire to reveal conspiracies part of the conspiracy? Have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "ART"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11278,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/steemit\/does-anyone-still-ride-motorbikes\/","url_meta":{"origin":11235,"position":2},"title":"DOES ANYONE STILL RIDE MOTORBIKES?","date":"June 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"DOES ANYONE STILL RIDE MOTORBIKES? Are motorbikes now just an old timers fantasy, like knights in amour or horses and carts? As a teenager I was obsessed with motorbikes, and as well as using them to get around I used to race motor-cross as well. Motorbikes were awesome. But the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "NEW ZEALAND"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/q25noDpWpu8FQDLWEg4qt1LkKyLdL-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":13556,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/new-zealand\/have-motorbikes-have-become-extinct-like-fax-machines\/","url_meta":{"origin":11235,"position":3},"title":"HAVE MOTORBIKES BECOME EXTINCT - LIKE FAX MACHINES?","date":"June 2, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"HAVE MOTORBIKES BECOME EXTINCT - LIKE FAX MACHINES? THE SAD DEMISE OF MOTORCYCLES Does anyone still ride motorbikes, or are they just an old timers fantasy, like knights in amour or horses and carts? As a teenager I was obsessed with motorbikes, and as well as using them to get\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "NEW ZEALAND"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12966,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/all-i-could-see-was-pink-hitlers\/","url_meta":{"origin":11235,"position":4},"title":"ALL I COULD SEE WAS PINK HITLERS","date":"January 25, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"GAY NAZIS ALL OVER THE PLACE Imagine if you packed so much primo bud into your PAX 3 vapouriser that after you smoked it while watching Keven Smith, all you could think about was Hitler. In gay pink.\u00a0 When you are that fucked up you can't really write much. But\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "ART"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG-PHOTO-ART-2110391820-01-500x281.jpeg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":13115,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/like\/how-to-reverse-aging-with-chain-smoking\/","url_meta":{"origin":11235,"position":5},"title":"HOW TO REVERSE AGING WITH CHAIN SMOKING","date":"May 25, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0THE KILLS Music this century has all turned to shit, so it's hard to find any bands that don't suck. One of the very few good ones was The White Stripes. They kicked arse. And there is another duo that makes The White Stripes sound like Abba. The Kills. Imagine\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "LIKE"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/55_2035916140-01-500x283-1.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11235"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11235"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11235\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}