George Carlin knocked out a few good ones!<\/h2>\n
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\u201cThink of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that\u201d – George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cNever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cThat’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cSome people see things that are and ask, Why?
\nSome people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
\nSome people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cReligion is like a pair of shoes…..Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cTell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cAtheism is a non-prophet organization.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cLife gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cLaugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cThe caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cDon’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cTHINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: ‘Please stop sucking my dick or I’ll call the police.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I am, therefore, I am… I think.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cThe planet is fine. The people are fucked\u201d – George Carlin<\/p>\n
“Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an “I” in independence, individuality and integrity'” – George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
\nI see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be\u201d – George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cThe reason I talk to myself is because I\u2019m the only one whose answers I accept.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cGod loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cFighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cIt’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone smiles in the same language.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t just teach your children to read\u2026
\nTeach them to question what they read.
\nTeach them to question everything.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cNo matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cIf 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea\u2026does that mean that 1 enjoys it?\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.\u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
\u201cI have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. \u201d
\n\u2015 George Carlin<\/p>\n
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