{"id":9260,"date":"2016-09-13T09:54:26","date_gmt":"2016-09-12T21:54:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/?p=9260"},"modified":"2019-11-21T18:28:43","modified_gmt":"2019-11-21T05:28:43","slug":"hows-your-arse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/hows-your-arse\/","title":{"rendered":"HOW\u2019S YOUR ARSE?"},"content":{"rendered":"

HOW\u2019S YOUR ARSE?<\/strong><\/h1>\n

Americans say ass when they mean arse. An ass is actually a donkey like animal that makes braying noises (much like our New Zealand Prime Minister, but that\u2019s another story) and is popular among people who either can\u2019t afford a horse, or don\u2019t have living space for one.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Getting back to the whole arse thing, there is also a lot of confusion about what makes a fine piece of arse. Should it be full and rounded like two large pumpkins side by side, or should it be small and flat like a phone book entrapped in a pair of knickers?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Phillip K Dick believed that the world was comprised of multiple parallel universes and when it comes to arses, there are clearly multiple parallel arse ideals.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

One is \u201cWomen\u2019s magazine\u201d arse. These magazines appear to be written by gay men who are drawn to looking at the arses of boys, but who realise that by preying on the insecurities of women with larger arses than boys, they can sell all sorts of crap. It also gives them a good cover story to distract onlookers from noticing that they are spending a lot of time looking at well groomed school boys.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Another arse universe is surgically enhanced arse world. In this parallel, arses, like breasts, must be surgically enhanced. There is money to be made here, so it goes without saying that the procedure is completely safe and it would be impossible to change the shape of one\u2019s arse through, say, exercise or diet.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

A third and also very profitable arse universe is the one where arses can be rapidly transformed into full, spectacular, rotund monuments to the female form, by doing hard workouts in the gym and taking arse supplements. This process takes three to seven days. (Some women may find the process takes longer, but should persist until they get the results they desire.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

In the male parallel, arses, like breasts, are things to be looked at and assessed, like car engines and computer specs, but unlike cars and computers, they are not things to aspire to actually own (except vicariously).<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Some men do possess their own breasts (man-boobs) and some also have arses that are larger than most school boy admiring women\u2019s magazine editors would consider optimal. But these man curves are not considered assets.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The consistent thing across all arse universes is that the answer to the question \u201chow\u2019s your arse?\u201d is \u201cat less than its full potential\u201d. But your arse goals can be achieved through well directed financial expenditure, and hard work (preferably driven by guilt, but fear, envy and inadequacy are all helpful too.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Arses are not for sitting about on, In fact, sitting is the new smoking, and you should spend all day standing at your standing desk, walking at your treadmill desk, or squatting on your squatty potty.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

And now for a real bunch of arse\u2026<\/h2>\n

Wear your arse with pride, and remember that every time you replace the word ass on the internet with the word arse, an American somewhere gets confused and forgets to shoot someone.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

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\n

If you would like to see more arse images, there are some on my Pinterest account \u2013 http:\/\/nz.pinterest.com\/wheels69\/arse<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

And if you would like to use any of my own photos or images, feel free to grab whatever you like from\u00a0http:\/\/www.frot.co.nz<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

SIFT666 aka Ian Gregson is a professional arse potential coach and crypto-currency investor from Wellington, New Zealand.
\nIn between checking out random arses and participating in extreme ironing contests, he likes to watch YouTube videos about intimate personal shaving and is currently developing a new website portal to rival Steemit called\u00a0http:\/\/www.frot.co.nz<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

HOW\u2019S YOUR ARSE? Americans say ass when they mean arse. An ass is actually a donkey like animal that makes braying noises (much like our New Zealand Prime Minister, but that\u2019s another story) and is popular among people who either can\u2019t afford a horse, or don\u2019t have living space for one. Getting back to the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":""},"categories":[12,20,34],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":19393,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/hows-your-arse-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":9260,"position":0},"title":"HOW\u2019S YOUR ARSE?","date":"April 18, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"A BUNCH OF ARSE? Many years ago I was obsessed with arses. It was an unfortunate stage that I was going through. I have since recovered... Americans say ass when they mean arse. An ass is actually a donkey like animal that makes braying noises and is popular among people\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "AMERICA"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/eAyTuXc4toTcnHcoCQYm7dyzkW3SfMd5hjeK64KvtVKib7XY9L4RLUNVc8GpxYUK3DsvsTA4DQz.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12371,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/a-hot-new-arse\/","url_meta":{"origin":9260,"position":1},"title":"A HOT NEW ARSE","date":"November 8, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I ONCE DID A BLOG POST SAYING I WANTED A HOT NEW ARSE And that seems a perfect subject for my second test of SteemPress because everyone on Steemit is obsessed with arses and going on about them constantly. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 A\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "FUNNY"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_XgsTodaivOI\/SbYBvTV3QoI\/AAAAAAAAAcA\/Gf460mPIk4E\/s400\/male-buttock-implant04.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":12423,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/lmao-memes\/","url_meta":{"origin":9260,"position":2},"title":"LMAO MEMES","date":"July 18, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"SOME MEMES THAT MADE MY ARSE GO FUNNY One of my followers just asked me what \"LOLERS FOR AFRICA\" meant, so for this memes post I'll call it LMAO MEMES and won't mention Africa... LMAO = Laughing My Arse Off (arse means ass for Americans) Leave Me Alone, Okay Lick\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "FUNNY"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/555980_414097512015418_1965472468_n-500x310.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":20264,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/wear-your-arse-with-pride\/","url_meta":{"origin":9260,"position":3},"title":"WEAR YOUR ARSE WITH PRIDE","date":"August 20, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"","rel":"","context":"In "FUNNY"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/603_1000.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":22198,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/well-that-didnt-work-lol\/","url_meta":{"origin":9260,"position":4},"title":"Well that didn't work....LOL","date":"June 23, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Fakebook are censoring my posts from 11 years ago.... No problem, I will make it libtard friendly! No, their arse crack detector still picks that one up I will censor it myself Oh no! - now I have been suspended from Facebook, I need help, my feelings are hurt, where\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "BLURT"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/2022-06-23_1400633.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":661,"url":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/funny\/arseless-chaps\/","url_meta":{"origin":9260,"position":5},"title":"HOT ARSES","date":"June 16, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"A BUNCH OF ARSE","rel":"","context":"In "FUNNY"","img":{"alt_text":"af4434b817f2fc26df2131d931d0f85a","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/af4434b817f2fc26df2131d931d0f85a.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9260"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9260"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9260\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.frot.co.nz\/design\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}