The Original Googled page from 2005
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| The Hardcore Explicit Amateur Sex Spycam Adventures of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston |
After the madcore success of warez the coke and the bongwater trailer, I started having strange thoughts about experimenting with Brad Pit and Jennifer Anniston ….
Unfortunately Jennifer found this web page and was so pissed off when she heard what Brad was getting up to when she was out filming that she dumped him.
While Brad was single he spent a lot of time in the dungeon with his collection of interracial gerbils, but ended up meeting Angelina Jolie … (the famous reptillian shape shifter).
Meanwhile Jennifer got it on with Vince Vaughn for a while, but he didn’t share her fetish for gerbils so she had to give him the boot, and is now looking for love in all the wrong places. So of course she is keen to post lots more naked pictures of herself on the internet and that totally goes off.
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Chapter One – In the Dungeon
Brad Pitt lay back on his bed and watched his latest free downloadable feature DVD movie- Dallas – Texas (free download now in DIVX format) a straight to rental B-grade flop, first released in fall 02, that has recently been re-released in it’s original R18 directors cut full length version. Capitalizing on it’s co-star Paris Hilton ‘ s popularity from her hit TV show The Simple Life , the gothic teen vampire thriller in which Ms Hilton plays a lesbian vampire slayer with S&M tendencies, is rapidly acquiring a cult following. In one pulse racing scene, Paris Hilton enjoys a three way spa pool orgy with Britney Spears and Ron Jeremy. Brad Pit thought the movie worthy of best sexploitation pic of 2005.
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At the conclusion of the movie Brad Pitt found himself tense and sweaty. He went online, hoping to find at least 10,000 free high quality adult images, available without ID verification, no pop-ups, and sorted into easily searched categories, including Amateur Taxi Drivers, Anal Probes, Anime Dominatrix, Asian Bank Tellers, Bisexual Sheep, Black Sheep, Bondage and Rubber Undies, Celebrity Sheep, Cheerleaders Socks Donkey Fetish, Fishing, Fish Fisting, Gay Stockings, Interracial Gerbils, Large Ladies Handbags, Latina Lesbians, and Hardcore Vegetables. He found all this and more on www.freehardcoreporn.com
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After browsing one of the world largest collections of ultra hardcore S&M movies and videos, he started to wonder what Jennifer Anniston was up to. He went to the backdoor, and called Jennifer Aniston where are you? I’m right here she replied. Brad Pitt was delighted to find himself confronted by an image of Jennifer Aniston reclining on a Hollywood lawn wearing nothing but a goats head. Come inside Jenifer Anniston said Brad Pitt wearing only a rubber loincloth. Oh Brad Pitt, you kinky sex fetishist said Jenifer Aniston. Let’s do some fantasy celeb role playing said Brad Pitt. Yes, down in the dungeon replied Jennifer Aniston. “But first I need a drink, warez the coke ?” she asked. In by the backdoor, said Brad Pitt, quickly entering himself through the tradesman’s entrance
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Down in the dungeon, Brad Pitt said “let’s take some amateur home videos of Jennifer Aniston role playing as Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, and Eric Cartman” “What all at once?” said Jennifer Aniston, confused. “Nevermind”, said Brad Pitt, “let’s just play age of empire or final frontier II on our free high speed internet connection”. Brad Pitt stood staring at himself in the full length mirror, his reflection a high res pic of Brad Pitt wearing nothing but a rubber loincloth. “Yes, Lets” agreed Brad Pitt and Jenifer Anniston, together, naked and sweaty, in their Hollywood dungeon.
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Chapter 2 – Home Alone
Brad Pitt awoke at noon, alone in his Hollywood mansion. His wife Jennifer Aniston had gone out to the studio to film a special “lesbian fetish” edition of Friends in which Courtney Cox-Arquette, Lisa Kudrow and Jennifer Aniston have a spa pool orgy with Hugh Heffner. Called “The one where Monica, Phoebe and Rachael get it on with Hugh Heffner in the spa pool” it will be available exclusively as a collectors’ edition DVD from www.madcoresex.com
Brad Pitt called his manservant. “Bring me an assortment of raw, phallic shaped vegetables and my gold sequined G-string, Manny , requested Brad Pit. “Right away, Sir” replied Manny, at once awed yet dismayed at Brad Pitt’s twisted genius.
Kneeling on his cow skin couch, watching a classic 70’s porn video of John Holmes and Suki getting it on in a spa pool at a Hollywood mansion, he clutched a large organic carrot and tried to get in character for his next movie role.
Acting on the advice of his agent, Paris Hilton, Brad Pitt had purchased the screen rights to a new book by underground sensation Mr Strange, whose novel “My life as a Ferret Master’ had developed a large cult following.
Brad Pitt scanned over the page he had just read again:
“…whipped up and snapping like an angry piranha, another Prozac slapper flails ineffectually against reality.
“What are you doing?” she yells angrily.
The Ferret Master tries to pass new this test. He turns away calmly, intent on coffee and meat on a spit.
Pulling gristle from his teeth he watches Scott and Dan devour undercooked chips without sauce, and then try to degrease their gums with Diet Coke.
“I once wrote about gollywogs,” he thinks, enjoying the memory, playing with the remains of his lettuce clippings.
“And I can always go back,” he mutters under his breath, rebelliously. Dan glances back over his shoulder before lighting a Marlboro.
Reluctantly he gets up, the smell of wafting cancer stick smoke makes him want to ralf up thick warm gristle over Dan’s face.
The piranha bitch apologises, giggling, irredeemable, as guilty as a pornstar.
He thinks about light bulbs again, and avoids her eye, before moving away to belch up the thick vapour of lamb. (Boswell used to love the blood red concrete of the abattoir, and the knives, especially the knives. Where is your Harley now Boswell?)
A Ferret Master should be like a doctor or a lawyer, a step above these concerns, able to focus on the job, and command a higher income, bathing the indignities away with distilled money.
He goes back to the shower to check on the soap. The soap is OK. Life is like that. He lets tears well up and fall into his ears, any mention of life pushes him to the edge of his void. In the long run…”
Brad Pitt tried to imagine suitable actors for the other roles: Ben Affleck as Dan possibly, but who would play the soap? He decided to get his agent, Paris Hilton, to see if Courtney Love was available.
In character as Mr Strange, Brad Pitt found himself rubbing coconut oil over his shaved chest, and having alarming thoughts about organic root vegetables. To clear his mind, he went online and read the blog of an English chap called Jon who was trying to increase his Google search hits by writing an appalling story involving a large number of has-been celebs not having sex with each other:
“…Britney Spears and her good platonic friend Michael Owen were sunbathing by the Jacuzzi when they started getting hot. Warez the coke? asked the MP3 legend songstress, at which point the World Cup and Liverpool FC legend smiled and started taking topless photos (he was bare-chested) with the camera their twink friend Johan Paulik had lent to them, as that great song Arrested from R. Kelly played gently in the background, from the all-weather speakers by the Basketball court that Pamela Stephenson had given to them on the night of the Harry Potter Premiere. Michael had found that a boring evening as he had already seen the movie on DivX that he had downloaded using the KaZaA file swap program, and would rather have spent time getting tattoos done, like Eminem had been suggesting that night in Las Vegas. Ah well, just take these hot shots and then he could play some more soccer before watching Big Brother UK and organizing some tickets to go and see Spiderman with Mike Tyson and Lennox Lewis…”
“What a pervert”, Brad Pitt thought to himself.
Awakened from his reverie by a knock on the door, Brad Pitt found himself greeting a group of his friends who had come round for an orgy in the spa pool. Unfortunately, the spa pool was out of order, as the filter was still clogged with chicken fat from Manny’s recent experiment. “Nevermind, come down to the dungeon, Britney Spears *, Christina Aguilera ***, and Jessica Simpson, we’ll have an orgy there instead. I’ve got a full size pic of Janet Jackson’s breast”, said Brad Pitt enthusiastically. “OK, Brad”, said Britney Spears *, Christina Aguilera ***, and Jessica Simpson “Let’s get it on.”
Chapter 3 – Brad Reads Another Movie Script
For some months Brad had been bidding for a new script that his agent Paris Hilton had been telling him was the hottest thing she had ever read. With a great stroke of luck he managed to obtain the script for only half a million dollars.
The movie script was called “I Am General Sock”, and Brad found it engrossing right from the beginning – the following excerpt from chapter one is reprinted by kind permission of the author, Randy Spangler:
“So much sex is nude and free. I am naked with pichers of Jennifer Clinton – Nice pics Hillary” said General Sock. “Please give me pictures of Severina Anniston the porn google”.
Johanson and Scarlet were looking like sexy grils. “Be more vuckovic you brad”, said Sock, “and nud Christina hot gril – show a porno now, a girls video called a vidieo and ready for download”.
Then General Sock began to rave: “Big crossdress images showing pussy are arriving daily. New Beyonce photos are a bit lesbian for the queer market. Give agulera a topless penis for aguelera and a picher of mice having lesbeans over for dinner.
Fuck with sexi pitt leaves Sock nacked. My girl gives her pic to Hilary and Christina for a juicy aniston. Picters including xxx anderson in frot of tits are something to see.
Her Jenifer cock photo and videos take picturs to a fake orgasm level. For a Simpson wallpaper sleep with Rover he has big natral breasts. Pitchers of teen women ‘ s pants. Shaging is great with spears in the pit of men in the nud. Dude that’s gay – have you got vidos ? What man best spelt aguilera or norika or fucked sluts topeless?
Jessica Japanian fucking Fujiwara the Russian. My niples gallery has moved to Paris where nood movies showing ass and duff and boobs with nipple are all good. Next new movie is called Paulik – a four hour film about mastabation and amature picture display. Lana has a hot grandma who is on porncom but is not female, being a part boy, part dog hybrid. Getting his sock to cum all over johan the mature oven range was her fantasy.
You evil shemail in a red dress, yes you Cocroft, so erotik. Teens in Hollywood at www . pusy . match .com show more than brests, and are all called Lolita after the famous wwe girles. Stories and movi of knowles and olsen. On spycam with jesica and kate watson, and pamela in holywood shaved of all hair are pretty cool really.
Too much babes clips are fat and naken foto to put you off lunch. Warez the butt woman with littel bikini ? I love amateur katie and kim the hot noles from Australia. Bloody lolitas getting nekid again with alba and angelina trying to land a breast implant deal. Gams show gerl could be a preteen Demi or a rough poen about fucing wemon on ebay. Black looks good on kidman she is so hairy and has kids. All boys want lopez sucking on their man sexx. In New Zealand the cocks on the beach are suking the tape from hardcore vidio players.
Catherine come home the dvd player is teenage and the bendoverbabes have gone suck with Paul Holmes The actress is a cross between a high fence and a jolie good bonking”
Truly , this is a work of genius thought Brad Pitt , imagining the dramatic possibilities while enjoying some strange pot and happy dust …
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This site may contain all of the following: Nude and naked sexy and erotic photos and pictures of Tori Amos, pictures of Gillian Anderson or Agent Scully wearing a catsuit with Rudy Bakhtiar and Ashleigh Banfield with Kate Beckinsale and Bjork. Erica Campbell in Mexico, in the jungle, in a blue chair, in the bath, wearing a sweater, wearing tights, dressed as Santa Claus, Superwoman or Wonder Woman. Information about an Erica Campbell boob crush with Neve Campbell. The Company Man’s pants, or When Will I Be Loved, pictures of Gretchen Corbett, pictures of Sheryl Crow and Jessica Cutler and Paige Davis. Janeane Garofalo as a blonde. Peri Gilpin frotting Lauren Graham in Bad Santa. Salma Hayek and Selma Hike on Patricia Heaton. Iben Hjejle Mishal doing Husain Ulrika Jonsson. Beyonce without her weave lookalikes. Nigella Lawson nude and vegatarian. Michelle Lissel getting out of an SUV with no panties, Queen Latifah tounging Andie Macdowell and Jodie Marsh and Meg Ryan at the same time. In The Cut, Winona Ryder and Sarah Silverman and Sharon Tay getting a massage from Razor Magazine. Liv Tyler on Sofia Vergara with Olivia Williams, and a TV news anchor at a wet T-shirt teeshirt contest. Pictures of women wearing ballet tights, bodystockings, nylons, pantyhose, stockings, suspenders, thigh highs, tights or any other type of hosiery, lingerie or underwear – photos of women wearing angora sweaters, bikinis, catsuits, corsets, crinolines, fishnets, garter belts, girdles, handcuffs, high heels, kilts, jumpers, latex gloves, leather skirts, leotards, lipstick, miniskirts, nail polish, negligees, nighties, overalls, panties, petticoats, pinafores, plastic raincoats, polo necks, pyjamas (or pajamas), short skirts, slips (or half slips), swimsuits, turtlenecks, tutus or unitards – photos or pictures of paisley, plaid, seamed, shimmering, shiny or stripey, control top or sheer to waist pantyhose – bare feet, boobs, breasts, bums, buttocks, cleavage, crotches, navels, nipples, pigtails, ponytails, toes – photos of babes getting out of a car or SUV wearing a short skirt, underwear or no underwear – lesbian erotica – photos or pictures of nude women wearing tights or stockings – (but note that women cannot be nude and be wearing tights or stockings at the same time: nude women are, by definition, not wearing anything; please make up your mind what you want to see and refine your search parameters accordingly) – pictures of catfights (especially catfights involving mud or pantyhose or taking place in apartments, gyms, offices, streets or cars or catfights from films or movies) – down blouse or upskirt photos or pictures – nude cellphone, photobooth or photocopier photos of naked women doing yoga, crossing or uncrossing their legs, playing violin or cello or guitar or bongos – photos or pictures of a woman licking herself – underwear from ballerinas, bus drivers, busty or callipygian women, cheerleaders, cowgirls, cyclists, dental assistants, FedEx or UPS drivers, Finnish women, Goths, Hooters girls, ice skaters, librarians, majorettes, Maltese women, mayoresses, models, native women, nurses, Pakistani women, pole dancers, secretaries, soccer moms, Tibetan women, tractor drivers, waitresses at Starbucks, witches, or yachtswomen – audio clips of Bobby Hill or Ralph Wiggum or from Seinfeld – nutritional information about Coffee Nips, Doritos, Clif Bars, Flaky Flix, Icebreaker gum, IHOP food, Jolly Ranchers, Maltesers, Sour Patch Kids, Starbucks Coffee, Tayto crisps or Tootsie Dots – information about bluebelly lizards or Pomeranian haircuts – information about Ben Affleck’s shoe size, or ancestry or Ben Affleck’s shampoo commercial (or photos – or pictures – of Ben Affleck bald, naked or riding a motorcycle) – drill sergeant clip art, denture clip art, fat men sweating clip art, fat women sweating clip art, Popeye clip art, puking clip art, Ralph Wiggum clip art, Santa Claus clip art, Snoopy clip art, sombrero clip art, telemarketer clip art, turd clip art or any other clip art – guitar chords for “Happy Birthday To You”, “Blame It On The Boogie” – Sheryl Crow or Leonard Cohen songs – information about chinchillas for sale in Belfast, Maine, Mexico, or Panama – information about freight brokering, frequency attunement or starting a traffic school – information about furniture, or complaints about knobs, broken Aikea furniture, information about the notorious ladies of Pico Rivera – stories about, or photos of: BDSM, bondage, being caught wearing tights boot worship, catching your husband wearing your tights or panties, cross-dressing, crotch-sniffing, domination, erotic colonics, erotic hypnosis, erotic ironing, farting women, femming your husband, fetishes of any description, including, but not limited to: angora fetish, cardboard box fetish, dentist fetish, gartered hosiery fetish, haircut fetish, lift-and-carry fetish, reinforced heel and toe fetish, shampoo fetish, sweating in plastic fetish, tights fetish, tutus fetish, white tube sock fetish or wool tights fetish, foot worship, forced feminisation (or feminization), forced haircuts, houseboy training, humiliation, lactating dominatrixes or mistresses, long leg worship, nude ironing, pantyhose encasement, public humiliation of your sissy husband, putting your sissy husband up for sale, self-bondage, self-feminisation (or self-feminization), self-hypnosis, silk scarf bondage, sissy assignments, sissy husbands shopping, slut training, sniffing tights, spanking fantasies, submission, pantyhose bondage, toe sucking, tickling, wearing your auntie’s (or girlfriend’s) tights
*** Warning – Reading all of the above may endanger your mental health and/or turn you into a retard – unless you have had a Tamiflu vacination, in which case it may double your IQ. ***
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