I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND ANALLY PROBED
Sometimes we just have to bend over and take it like a gimp.
This one time, I was abducted by aliens. After twelve hours of anal probing they informed me that I would now believe everything I was told by the government.
They also told me that the reason they had beamed me on board their ship was because I kept going on about conspiracies, and if I wanted to avoid further anal probing I would have to stop all that.