The Wellington waterfront has got it all, it’s sort of a South Pacific Miami vice. Where else can you sit in the sun surrounded by luxury apartments and flash boats and get wasted off your nut?

Everything here screams “we have cash”

The dealers park their Mercedes in front of their apartments

And sit sipping champagne and watching the boats go by

But sometimes punters start to get carried away – they start sessioning up bigtime

And next thing the boats get weird

And there are naked men

And odd looking women appear out of nowhere

So fat men strip off their clothes and jump in

They hit the water with a boom like a cannon going off

While boring farts like me look at sheepskin slippers

While secretly dreaming of Ducati’s  (who wants some fruity Lambo – this is the real deal!)