BIG FUCK OFF LIST

Because I have a memory like a sieve, each time I have a new post idea, I note it in my diary and later add it too my “Blog Post Ideas” spreadsheet.

The list is pretty big now – in fact I think it qualifies as a “big fuck off list”

Yesterday I was adding a new post idea (“Why did that tripper stick 15 hard boiled eggs up his arse?) when I noticed I was on row 500 – taking into account that row one is the header (“Blog Post Ideas”) it struck me that if I could think of one more post idea, that would fill out row 501 and I could be the first person in the history of blogging to have 500 post ideas!

And right then it popped into my head – “I HAVE 500 BLOG POST IDEAS!” – holy shit – I fully go off!

But when I announced this breakthrough to Deb she just laughed and said “You know you never do any of your post ideas? – you just post the first thing that pops into your head when you wake up, like weeds popping up in the concrete”

When I woke up this morning a little voice popped up and said “you just do that 500 posts post and show her you are not some tripper with weeds in your crack”

Although I must admit that straight away another little voice popped up (“Bruce”) and said “but you don’t have any pictures of 500”

Oh fuck off Bruce, here is a picture of a Fiat 500:

And now here is a photo of some boats I took yesterday on my walk. It was hot and sunny yesterday – I just had to add that to troll all you poor fuckers who live in the northern hemisphere and keep moaning about how cold you are…

And so I found I had written this entire post, but just as I finished it off by being a wanker and going on about how sunny it is here – Bruce chimed in again and said “now that you have done this 500th post you only have 499 remaining post ideas so you are as big a bullshit artist as someone who keeps going on about Bitcoin”

Being an anal obsessive compulsive really sucks…