For my first post on Hive I will be identifying as a communist shill with platform relationship issues.

Gradually the purple haze retreated and I found myself in a small yellow room with an angry man in a red leather bondage suit. He was slapping me the way Batman slaps Robin.

“We know you have 10 accounts on Steemit” he said, giving me another bitch slap for good measure. “Come clean and we can do a deal”

“What do you want?” I asked

Red Batman: “We want you to pose as a blogger on Hive and learn all their secrets”

Me: “I want to speak to the manager”

Red Batman: “Justin is busy at the moment, but we will show you a signed photo of him”

Me: How else will you repay me?”

Red Batman: “You will be rewarded with an Ali Express discount voucher:

Me: “Is it true that Ali Express has 21000 listings for dildos?”

Red Batman: “Yes”

Me “I’m in, comrade!”